I hate this....
This is the 4 months I've moved in this new flat with new of my flatmate. " one friend, and one classmate".
Nothing much going but I just wanted to say I dont like this at all. Basically we all are doing our own things everynight. We seems so cool when we first move in here together, We aint have internet yet that time, so we went to blockbuster(a movie rental place) to rent some random movie to watch everynight.
I just like the feeling that, well, since we are flatmate, thought we gonna like, you know, at least talk, or do something, or have fun( nothing homo here) i mean watch a film or something, play some online game together.
Maybe I'm not independent yet, or the other word. I am not "white" enough, I'm not white, can't really live like how they roll so maybe this life aint really for me. Been thinking about that lately or maybe it's time for me to go home(tbh, i dont really wanted to, kinda want to start my life here and do something different) but... Things are so difficult when u have to start everything together while you basically have nothing to rely on except youself. So..... I dont know. Really need to shout things to someone sometimes but most of the time just no one fucking give a shit about what I "moan" about. So...
I hope whoever read this blog if there is any, please understand me why am i moaning here all the time. I dont expect anyone to read anything from here but this is kinda like a wall, a more privacy wall than a facebook is, for me to shout out my feeling and says something that i dont like about just now,
Anyway. Seems bit crazy but I'm fucking bored and i think i jsut head to the gym. better than sit at home and just look at my monitor. So..
See ya blog.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Saturday, November 10, 2012
This is iT...
Just another Terrible night out...
So I'd decided not to go out anymore until maybe christmas or end of december, but seems like this kind of decision will never acheived in my life. Just what I made up my mind last week, and now I'm out again to drink. I finished my work, went home as usual, mate been calling and texting couple of times to update what they been up to. First, I'm still refused to go out to stick with what I'd decided earlier, but still, I'm such a "soft-hearted man", as expected, I went out with my little of pocket money that I just earned from my part time work earlier.
Everything is actually fine at started until my best friend turn to be really good to me today and says not going to be mean to be tonight cause he dont want same thing happen twice (When he drunk, he'll turn to like a mental or something, just those you seen in the movie, when someone drank too much they'll start to hit their wife/kids) Well, it did happened once before because he started hit me on the street like a sand bag during the way home. I let it go that time because i know he is drunk and he is my best mate.
Same thing happend twice, I knew it nothing gonna ended up good every time when he try to be nice today, well this time as well. he turned up to be a mental once he left the casino(the last place where we drank) and start saying mean shit to me, obviously I'm not happy with it at all, so before i went in to my flat,(I don't have my key on me) I was try to ask him, "hey, do you want to talkabout it?" turned out i got locked out outside and Can't get in because I dont have the key. I been sitting under the cold and creul strong wind for about 2 hours, under 5 degree, and staert panic who can i ask for help? Phone is running out of battery which is really pissed me off. So i Cant contact anyone so thinking to go to uni which open at 7am.
Wait for longer and went to uni and writing this fucking post. Negative thinking are surrouding my head. Posted some Negative stauts which tuens out there are few friends come and talk and care about me which really calm me down a bit, (Big thanks for those people, I'm happy that I'm still exists in some people heart).
Still, this is pretty annoys me, I do belive that people do spoke their truth once they are drunk, whatever he said to me are seriously mean and kinda broke my heart (kinda gay about this but... whatever, if you're my mate you know I'm not a homo). I do take him is my best mate over and treat him as my best budd all the time since we get along, but seems like it's only what I'm wish for, not the rest. I do always hope people are not come close to me just want to take my advatages, as I mentioned earlier, I 'm pretty easy-convinced person and "soft-hearted man". Seems, the cruel world had taught me to become stronger, which is good for me. One of my mate, who'd stayed here for about 5 years, had gave me an advice that you shouldn't be so stupid and be over-nice to them, cause at the end, you'll and nothing as return. Whatever he said and came true all the time, and I'm still being a stuborn faggot to trust they'll be nice to me someday. So far, he is still right.
Time and all this thing had taught me to be stronger and not to trusted anyone easily, they may be nice to me today but everything had a price. So whatever it's, sometimes those are things that you really cant afford at all. Friendships are priceless, but at the same time, they are not free as well. Peiople always think that I have a lot of friends, but frankly, there are only a few, that are I'm really appreciates, even until today, and even we never speaks to each other for ages, but I do belive whenever I meet them, we can still have a conversation that last longer than 3 hours at least. Things are changing, but something will still last until the end.
Well, I'm being so helpless and staying at uni at the moment, some people trying to clean up the place and apparantely I'm the only retard who came to uni at 7am in the morning during a saturday, seems really lifelesss, and Hope fully they is not long more to go for library opening hours so that I can sit there and do my coursework or whatever i can do over there.
At the end, This is just another bitching post about my life and people over here, Sorry if i offended anyone here.
Have a nice weekend folks. See ya. x
So I'd decided not to go out anymore until maybe christmas or end of december, but seems like this kind of decision will never acheived in my life. Just what I made up my mind last week, and now I'm out again to drink. I finished my work, went home as usual, mate been calling and texting couple of times to update what they been up to. First, I'm still refused to go out to stick with what I'd decided earlier, but still, I'm such a "soft-hearted man", as expected, I went out with my little of pocket money that I just earned from my part time work earlier.
Everything is actually fine at started until my best friend turn to be really good to me today and says not going to be mean to be tonight cause he dont want same thing happen twice (When he drunk, he'll turn to like a mental or something, just those you seen in the movie, when someone drank too much they'll start to hit their wife/kids) Well, it did happened once before because he started hit me on the street like a sand bag during the way home. I let it go that time because i know he is drunk and he is my best mate.
Same thing happend twice, I knew it nothing gonna ended up good every time when he try to be nice today, well this time as well. he turned up to be a mental once he left the casino(the last place where we drank) and start saying mean shit to me, obviously I'm not happy with it at all, so before i went in to my flat,(I don't have my key on me) I was try to ask him, "hey, do you want to talkabout it?" turned out i got locked out outside and Can't get in because I dont have the key. I been sitting under the cold and creul strong wind for about 2 hours, under 5 degree, and staert panic who can i ask for help? Phone is running out of battery which is really pissed me off. So i Cant contact anyone so thinking to go to uni which open at 7am.
Wait for longer and went to uni and writing this fucking post. Negative thinking are surrouding my head. Posted some Negative stauts which tuens out there are few friends come and talk and care about me which really calm me down a bit, (Big thanks for those people, I'm happy that I'm still exists in some people heart).
Still, this is pretty annoys me, I do belive that people do spoke their truth once they are drunk, whatever he said to me are seriously mean and kinda broke my heart (kinda gay about this but... whatever, if you're my mate you know I'm not a homo). I do take him is my best mate over and treat him as my best budd all the time since we get along, but seems like it's only what I'm wish for, not the rest. I do always hope people are not come close to me just want to take my advatages, as I mentioned earlier, I 'm pretty easy-convinced person and "soft-hearted man". Seems, the cruel world had taught me to become stronger, which is good for me. One of my mate, who'd stayed here for about 5 years, had gave me an advice that you shouldn't be so stupid and be over-nice to them, cause at the end, you'll and nothing as return. Whatever he said and came true all the time, and I'm still being a stuborn faggot to trust they'll be nice to me someday. So far, he is still right.
Time and all this thing had taught me to be stronger and not to trusted anyone easily, they may be nice to me today but everything had a price. So whatever it's, sometimes those are things that you really cant afford at all. Friendships are priceless, but at the same time, they are not free as well. Peiople always think that I have a lot of friends, but frankly, there are only a few, that are I'm really appreciates, even until today, and even we never speaks to each other for ages, but I do belive whenever I meet them, we can still have a conversation that last longer than 3 hours at least. Things are changing, but something will still last until the end.
Well, I'm being so helpless and staying at uni at the moment, some people trying to clean up the place and apparantely I'm the only retard who came to uni at 7am in the morning during a saturday, seems really lifelesss, and Hope fully they is not long more to go for library opening hours so that I can sit there and do my coursework or whatever i can do over there.
At the end, This is just another bitching post about my life and people over here, Sorry if i offended anyone here.
Have a nice weekend folks. See ya. x
Thursday, September 27, 2012
This is iT...
Story of being homeless..
Praying so hard to hope that today will be the last day I'll be homeless, I'm going to get my own flat tomorrow, like finally, After so long, it'd been almost a month that I'm being homeless in Aberdeen.
Life pretty screwed up. lol
I'm sitting in my uni's computer lab, because my phone has ran out of battery, trying to charge it and I have no place to go.
I been sitting here for about 1 hour and 42 mins and hopefully there is only around 2 hours more to go, (it's still crazy!!!!)
TBH, it was a pretty good experience of being homeless, I actually had fun, crashing on people's places, and being kicked out, always hang around the city, tried hard to behave well in people's places and failed.
Carrying a massive bag, Standing under the cold weather and rain for about 1 hour just to wait for someone to pick you up.
Also because of this, I'd had annoyed couple of people and don't even think we'll be talking any more. Hah!
FUN!
That' was an amazing experience I had although it still cost me lot of hassle and stress and pain and money and friendship.
Oh well, Finger crossed BITCH! JUST GIVE ME THAT FUCKING FLAT TMRW YOU CUNT!
Praying so hard to hope that today will be the last day I'll be homeless, I'm going to get my own flat tomorrow, like finally, After so long, it'd been almost a month that I'm being homeless in Aberdeen.
Life pretty screwed up. lol
I'm sitting in my uni's computer lab, because my phone has ran out of battery, trying to charge it and I have no place to go.
I been sitting here for about 1 hour and 42 mins and hopefully there is only around 2 hours more to go, (it's still crazy!!!!)
TBH, it was a pretty good experience of being homeless, I actually had fun, crashing on people's places, and being kicked out, always hang around the city, tried hard to behave well in people's places and failed.
Carrying a massive bag, Standing under the cold weather and rain for about 1 hour just to wait for someone to pick you up.
Also because of this, I'd had annoyed couple of people and don't even think we'll be talking any more. Hah!
FUN!
That' was an amazing experience I had although it still cost me lot of hassle and stress and pain and money and friendship.
Oh well, Finger crossed BITCH! JUST GIVE ME THAT FUCKING FLAT TMRW YOU CUNT!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
This is iT...
So basically, Tonight is the last night I'm gonna live in this house.
I have such a complicated feelings like a bitch for some reason that I don't even have a clue about.
I do Really enjoyed my time staying at this room with my flatmate before, although i still gave a lot of trouble to them and annoyed them quiet a lot of times.
Well, not like i'm not gonna see them again but as a 1st year and the 1st place that I stay since I came to Aberdeen. Everything's pretty decent to me. I do hope to with together with my bro in the coming flat but seems like it's actually quiet not possible.
Btw, as a fresher who trying to adapt and live like a Scottish, I did learn a lot of stuff from my flatmates and ready taught me a lot of stuff, also kinda changed a little of my behaviors and personality. Not in the bad way. Also experience tons of stuff that I never had a chance to do with and quiet lot of life lessons.
It's really not easy to live in a stranger place and have to be really tough all the time. It's not easy when you have no home to rely on when you at your deepest desperation of help!
I do have a lot of memories with all my mates here and do appreciate the time.
Hope the luck is always with me.
Basically, I'm homeless at the moment and I still have no clue where can I go tomorrow and have to leech at someone's place for a while and also. I'M FUCKING BROKE! My bank card is currently -22.45 Pound due to all the temptation i failed to resist. I still have a good time anyway. So i've just finish pack my stuff and left the rest for tomorrow and gotta leave this place before 2pm Tomorrow. Oh well. Life is amazing. I'v been trying not to complain so much about my life and be happy about everything! ;)
Well...
Enjoy your day to whoever still reading my blog and taking all my moan and complains. xD
Cheers.
I have such a complicated feelings like a bitch for some reason that I don't even have a clue about.
I do Really enjoyed my time staying at this room with my flatmate before, although i still gave a lot of trouble to them and annoyed them quiet a lot of times.
Well, not like i'm not gonna see them again but as a 1st year and the 1st place that I stay since I came to Aberdeen. Everything's pretty decent to me. I do hope to with together with my bro in the coming flat but seems like it's actually quiet not possible.
Btw, as a fresher who trying to adapt and live like a Scottish, I did learn a lot of stuff from my flatmates and ready taught me a lot of stuff, also kinda changed a little of my behaviors and personality. Not in the bad way. Also experience tons of stuff that I never had a chance to do with and quiet lot of life lessons.
It's really not easy to live in a stranger place and have to be really tough all the time. It's not easy when you have no home to rely on when you at your deepest desperation of help!
I do have a lot of memories with all my mates here and do appreciate the time.
Hope the luck is always with me.
Basically, I'm homeless at the moment and I still have no clue where can I go tomorrow and have to leech at someone's place for a while and also. I'M FUCKING BROKE! My bank card is currently -22.45 Pound due to all the temptation i failed to resist. I still have a good time anyway. So i've just finish pack my stuff and left the rest for tomorrow and gotta leave this place before 2pm Tomorrow. Oh well. Life is amazing. I'v been trying not to complain so much about my life and be happy about everything! ;)
Well...
Enjoy your day to whoever still reading my blog and taking all my moan and complains. xD
Cheers.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
This is iT...
I never know......
I always thought that way. Whatever I thought I'm until today...
My best mate, Actually dislikes a lot of stuff about mine.
I'm actually kinda can't accept the truth about this to be honest. I always claims that he is 1 of my best mate ever I met in my life but in exact, I actually did so much thing that so annoys to him,
I have no words to say about it. Even a thousand sorry also can't help about the bad that I did.
Sometimes I do feel like just go back home and end all this bullshit, I did thought I should stay here for a longer period since I know a couple of good friend here but seems like, I'm actually a terrible friend.
Kinda feel like just wanted to kill myself, but nah, not that stupid to end my life. Guess nothing else I can do to rescue what I've done. Even a sorry can't really help much on the stuff that I've done.
Hope time can bleach this all away but there is still a scar will left in my memory as a warning next time.
I don't blame anything but myself.
I always thought that way. Whatever I thought I'm until today...
My best mate, Actually dislikes a lot of stuff about mine.
I'm actually kinda can't accept the truth about this to be honest. I always claims that he is 1 of my best mate ever I met in my life but in exact, I actually did so much thing that so annoys to him,
I have no words to say about it. Even a thousand sorry also can't help about the bad that I did.
Sometimes I do feel like just go back home and end all this bullshit, I did thought I should stay here for a longer period since I know a couple of good friend here but seems like, I'm actually a terrible friend.
Kinda feel like just wanted to kill myself, but nah, not that stupid to end my life. Guess nothing else I can do to rescue what I've done. Even a sorry can't really help much on the stuff that I've done.
Hope time can bleach this all away but there is still a scar will left in my memory as a warning next time.
I don't blame anything but myself.
Friday, August 3, 2012
This is iT...
Why am I So Pathetic???
I never had this thought in my life ever before but sometimes I'm really think about ending my life!!!!
Isn't that's because of this Depression's Symptom??
I never had this thought in my life ever before but sometimes I'm really think about ending my life!!!!
Isn't that's because of this Depression's Symptom??
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This is iT...
Oh god. Just took a Depression Test and this is my result :SSSSSS
Major Depression: High-Moderate
Dysthymia: Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: High-Moderate
Cyclothymia: Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder: High
Postpartum Depression: N/A
http://www.depressedtest.com/
I'm kinda worry. hahahaha. :S
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)