This is iT...

Just another Terrible night out...

So I'd decided not to go out anymore until maybe christmas or end of december, but seems like this kind of decision will never acheived in my life. Just what I made up my mind last week, and now I'm out again to drink. I finished my work, went home as usual, mate been calling and texting couple of times to update what they been up to. First, I'm still refused to go out to stick with what I'd decided earlier, but still, I'm such a "soft-hearted man", as expected, I went out with my little of pocket money that I just earned from my part time work earlier.

Everything is actually fine at started until my best friend turn to be really good to me today and says not going to be mean to be tonight cause he dont want same thing happen twice (When he drunk, he'll turn to like a mental or something, just those you seen in the movie, when someone drank too much they'll start to hit their wife/kids) Well, it did happened once before because he started hit me on the street like a sand bag during the way home. I let it go that time because i know he is drunk and he is my best mate.

Same thing happend twice, I knew it nothing gonna ended up good every time when he try to be nice today, well this time as well. he turned up to be a mental once he left the casino(the last place where we drank) and start saying mean shit to me, obviously I'm not happy with it at all, so before i went in to my flat,(I don't have my key on me) I was try to ask him, "hey, do you want to talkabout it?" turned out i got locked out outside and Can't get in because I dont have the key. I been sitting under the cold and creul strong wind for about 2 hours, under 5 degree, and staert panic who can i ask for help? Phone is running out of battery which is really pissed me off. So i Cant contact anyone so thinking to go to uni which open at 7am.

Wait for longer and went to uni and writing this fucking post. Negative thinking are surrouding my head. Posted some Negative stauts which tuens out there are few friends come and talk and care about me which really calm me down a bit, (Big thanks for those people, I'm happy that I'm still exists in some people heart).

Still, this is pretty annoys me, I do belive that people do spoke their truth once they are drunk, whatever he said to me are seriously mean and kinda broke my heart (kinda gay about this but... whatever, if you're my mate you know I'm not a homo). I do take him is my best mate over and treat him as my best budd all the time since we get along, but seems like it's only what I'm wish for, not the rest. I do always hope people are not come close to me just want to take my advatages, as I mentioned earlier, I 'm pretty easy-convinced person and "soft-hearted man". Seems, the cruel world had taught me to become stronger, which is good for me. One of my mate, who'd stayed here for about 5 years, had gave me an advice that you shouldn't be so stupid and be over-nice to them, cause at the end, you'll and nothing as return. Whatever he said and came true all the time, and I'm still being a stuborn faggot to trust they'll be nice to me someday. So far, he is still right.

Time and all this thing had taught me to be stronger and not to trusted anyone easily, they may be nice to me today but everything had a price. So whatever it's, sometimes those are things that you really cant afford at all. Friendships are priceless, but at the same time, they are not free as well.  Peiople always think that I have a lot of friends, but frankly, there are only a few, that are I'm really appreciates, even until today, and even we never speaks to each other for ages, but I do belive whenever I meet them, we can still have a conversation that last longer than 3 hours at least. Things are changing, but something will still last until the end.

Well, I'm being so helpless and staying at uni at the moment, some people trying to clean up the place and apparantely I'm the only  retard who came to uni at 7am in the morning during a saturday, seems really lifelesss, and Hope fully they is not long more to go for library opening hours so that I can sit there and do my coursework or whatever i can do over there.

At the end, This is just another bitching post about my life and people over here, Sorry if i offended anyone here.

Have a nice weekend folks. See ya. x

This is iT...

Story of being homeless..

Praying so hard to hope that today will be the last day I'll be homeless, I'm going to get my own flat tomorrow, like finally, After so long, it'd been almost a month that I'm being homeless in Aberdeen.

Life pretty screwed up. lol
I'm sitting in my uni's computer lab, because my phone has ran out of battery, trying to charge it and I have no place to go.
I been sitting here for about 1 hour and 42 mins and hopefully there is only around 2 hours more to go, (it's still crazy!!!!)

TBH, it was a pretty good experience of being homeless, I actually had fun, crashing on people's places, and being kicked out, always hang around the city, tried hard to behave well in people's places and failed.
Carrying a massive bag, Standing under the cold weather and rain for about 1 hour just to wait for someone to pick you up.
Also because of this, I'd had annoyed couple of people and don't even think we'll be talking any more. Hah!
FUN!

That' was an amazing experience I had although it still cost me lot of hassle and stress and pain and money and friendship.

Oh well, Finger crossed BITCH! JUST GIVE ME THAT FUCKING FLAT TMRW YOU CUNT!

This is iT...

So basically, Tonight is the last night I'm gonna live in this house.

I have such a complicated feelings like a bitch for some reason that I don't even have a clue about.

I do Really enjoyed my time staying at this room with my flatmate before, although i still gave a lot of trouble to them and annoyed them quiet a lot of times.
Well, not like i'm not gonna see them again but as a 1st year and the 1st place that I stay since I came to Aberdeen. Everything's pretty decent to me. I do hope to with together with my bro in the coming flat but seems like it's actually quiet not possible.
Btw, as a fresher who trying to adapt and live like a Scottish, I did learn a lot of stuff from my flatmates and ready taught me a lot of stuff, also kinda changed a little of my behaviors and personality. Not in the bad way. Also experience tons of stuff that I never had a chance to do with and quiet lot of life lessons.

It's really not easy to live in a stranger place and have to be really tough all the time. It's not easy when you have no home to rely on when you at your deepest desperation of help!
I do have a lot of memories with all my mates here and do appreciate the time.
Hope the luck is always with me.

Basically, I'm homeless at the moment and I still have no clue where can I go tomorrow and have to leech at someone's place for a while and also. I'M FUCKING BROKE! My bank card is currently -22.45 Pound due to all the temptation i failed to resist. I still have a good time anyway. So i've just finish pack my stuff and left the rest for tomorrow and gotta leave this place before 2pm Tomorrow. Oh well. Life is amazing. I'v been trying not to complain so much about my life and be happy about everything! ;) 

Well...
Enjoy your day to whoever still reading my blog and taking all my moan and complains. xD
Cheers.

This is iT...

I never know......

I always thought that way. Whatever I thought I'm until today...
My best mate, Actually dislikes a lot of stuff about mine.
I'm actually kinda can't accept the truth about this to be honest. I always claims that he is 1 of my best mate ever I met in my life but in exact, I actually did so much thing that so annoys to him,
I have no words to say about it. Even a thousand sorry also can't help about the bad that I did.

Sometimes I do feel like just go back home and end all this bullshit, I did thought I should stay here for a longer period since I know a couple of good friend here but seems like, I'm actually a terrible friend.

Kinda feel like just wanted to kill myself, but nah, not that stupid to end my life. Guess nothing else I can do to rescue what I've done. Even a sorry can't really help much on the stuff that I've done.

Hope time can bleach this all away but there is still a scar will left in my memory as a warning next time.
I don't blame anything but myself.

This is iT...

Why am I So Pathetic???

I never had this thought in my life ever before but sometimes I'm really think about ending my life!!!!
Isn't that's because of this Depression's Symptom??

This is iT...

Oh god. Just took a Depression Test and this is my result :SSSSSS

Major Depression: High-Moderate

Dysthymia: Slight-Moderate

Bipolar Disorder: High-Moderate

Cyclothymia: Very High

Seasonal Affective Disorder: High

Postpartum Depression: N/A

http://www.depressedtest.com/

I'm kinda worry. hahahaha. :S

This is iT...

Complicated feelings day....

Not sure if it's too much going on or it's because of nothing is going on here. Just don't feel alright today..
Moody again. Seriously, I'm gonna be a serious moody man soon, or I'm already otw being that.

Bad choices when you approved your parent's friend request on facebook when you had a drinking problem. They been stalking me for a while and today, I'm decided to blocked them. Sorry for that parent but seriously, I'm an adult now and I'll go on with my life, Stop acting like I'm still some 7 years old boy.

Recently also bit fed up with girl's behavior. An immature 1, been keep acting like "Oh, you are such a good friend, Can we be Best friend??" Seriously, sometimes people just have to cut the crap and straight to the point. What you want from me?

I been realize I'm being over nice person, and people just keep on looking advantages from me. I knows it, just that i keep silent all the time and I don't want to ruins the friendship, but seriously, when I need help, Where the fuck you guys go??? I tried so hard, to join the people here, everyone just looking for a party's mate not a trouble mate. When you have trouble, just fuck off.

I really fed up with my life in here. Depress me so much.

This is iT...

Hey, How's it going?

To be honest, i don't even know if anyone still Blogging and is anyone there actually still click on my blog whenever they are bored. Well, neither do I since i never visit my own blog for ages.

So, How things going guys? Been asking this question by my mates back in Malaysia most of the time: "When are you coming back?"
Not trying to be mean and I really appreciate all the regards you guys gave to me and I do miss you all. But really stop asking every single time. hahaha, it's pretty annoys me cause I'm not going back anytime soon which is kinda upset me as well. D:

Update about my life? I'm still in ma Summer Holiday, Which is seriously killing me!!!
Summer holiday in Scotland doesn't make you feel like "Summer" at all because it's fucking raining all the time and the Sun been hiding so much behind the cloud.
Mates are all far away and busy going on with their life but me, Still the same old me. Lazy, free, little bastard. I'm basically just hanging around everyday and do nothing!!!
Which is quiet upset, about myself, my life, Hopefully my parents as well. Hah!!
Yehh, I know, apparently from my facebook i've been drinking a lot here, but seriously, sometimes it wasn't that fun because I'm really feel so bored!!! Just I dont have any picture to upload for that! haha..

I really miss my holiday back in Malaysia last time, Had so much fun everyday and have so many different things to do there!!!

So, To all my friend back there. I loves you all! HEHE! Stay tunned (If you are actually reading my blog! LOL)
Bye guys.

This is iT...

我累了，闷了，也开始厌倦了。。。

This is iT...

Good Job my Nap, Now I would able to sleep later night...

So life moving on... How's life going people? Having fun in working life?
Was talking with my mate, that he enlighten me some point, in term on keep on bitching about your group project, why don't just stand up and ask them to give you something to do? Yes I did, but not like, Do you have anything for me to do?
is Well, you have to give me something to do!!! "I'm not even kidding" that's what he said. Haha

It's true, all this life, I only being bitchy and complaining about stuff that I'm not comfortable with. Just like this group project. I been hiding for so long, keep silent all the time. This sentences by my mate was stucked in my head for few days, I keep on thinking about it.
In my entire life until now, I'm behave like that, for lot of the time. I just don't man up, and speak.

Also, sometimes I know that I'm being negative too much, Just the way I think.
Is like, while my mate is playing game without me and with other people. I was think that maybe because I'm noob, if I join them I'm gonna ruin his game :/ better let him play with them so that they could win.
But i do know sometimes I just have to speak up and not just waiting until him to invite me to play. Still, sometimes I feel like don't want them to lose, that's why I rather play alone. Haha, but playing alone is freaking bored, you know? that feeling.
Yeah, guess I really can't always stay in the house alone, cause I am just being too negative and think about something that's kinda ridiculous sometimes. For example, I'm a lonely man on a lonely island and no one cares about me eating any piece of shit. Haha

Anyway. End of story.

This is iT...

The 2nd time of this Creepy dream.

So... Last Friday after I'd done presentation for my group project, I came back flat and went to get some rest so that I could't make it to gym after.
Dreaming, continuously. From one story(dream), to another story, and the creepy one, begin with this...
Me and one of my class mate, (Indian Muslim Malaysian) we was chilling and normal chatting on a sofa.

suddenly, an indian kids just came out from nowhere and appear right in front of me, to be exact, he is sat right on top of my knee. He have a massive eye, round and white. and his skin, have something like, sign/tattoo/ or dirt, all over his body.
This might be funny but he was doing something like wanking move. Can't see what is he doing because my whole body just got locked when he appear, I can't move. He is non-stop shaking due to his moves, I try to ask my friend to ask him go away, (No idea why, maybe both of them are Indian) His wanking moves, and I cba body just make me feel so uncomfortable. He eye is staring at me, and I look through his eye, ask him to go away, just about that, everywhere became dark, just his eye balls. Staring me clearly in the dark. The feeling is so real, I can feel that I really could't make a move while I am lying on my bed. And sudden, I just can moves.
Phewwwww.. -.-

and Today, Monday. I was terribly shattered due to only 4 hours sleep last night and 9am class in the morning. I really can't be bothered anymore so decided to walk home and sleep. Skipped class. Hehe.. It was around 12pm while i felt asleep, Probably just 10mins after my mate came in and talked to me before he leave to work. Same opening, i dreams a lot.
Just in sudden. I can feel that my body can't move again. This time, I know something is happening, AGAIN. I look around, something like "demon" appear right in front of me, i was lying on my bed, and he is just 2 feets away from my bed.
(If you watch western horror movie a lot, you should have an idea which 1 I am talking about, he is wearing hoodie type of costume, or u can call it soulkeeper/reaper)
I could't see his face, since his hood has covered it with shadow. He is waving to me, just like ask me to follow him. The feeling is so familiar. Just about the feeling like my last Friday nightmare.
He is coming closer and closer with his hand, and I just try to point middle finger to him and ask him to fuck off. Not sure if I really did that since my body is "locked", but my mind was thinking that.
and then, I remember that my bad that probably 3 steps away my bed storing some "Holy items" (Don't know how 2 describe it so I just call it Holy item) which my aunt gave me long time ago, during my 1st experience of supernatural incident, i was 17 that time.
I tried my best to struggling with it, and ran to my bag, the creepy part is, I actually felt that my soul has left my body, I can feel that I am floating in the air/ flying to my bag direction try to take out the stuff. Quickly, he's chasing after me and appear right in front of my bag and pushed me away. I floating in the air but I did succeed to grab my bag. Weirdly, the bag I am holding in that moment just suddenly turns to blue color, it was not my bag, my bag is still on the floor. While i was depressingly, my beck bang to the wall (after he pushed me), and this feeling is just my soul is back to my body, and I woke up, the feeling just stayed, because it's just too real.

God damn this dream. The fuck is happening to me?? ?

I am already ain't feeling so well these days, feeling down, emo. Better don't mess up with me.
FML.

This is iT...

I had forgot the way that I used to talk..

Went to breakfast today to pass some times, since there is 3 hours break until next class.

With my classmates, Jason and Naz. Had a long chat, and just suddenly I stop my mind and thing, when is the last time, I chat with people like that? It's so chilling..

Perhaps, I din't talk for too long time, Like a real "Yum-cha" Kind of talking...

Hahaha.. I am forgetting who am i.. xD

"I Used to rule the world, Sea will rises when I give the word.
Now in the morning I sleep alone, Sweep the street I used to own... "

This is iT...

Turning back to the Bad side. [Guilty]

[Old Topic] It's not the first time again I missed my class. Haha, but all this 9am class really can suck my d*ck.

This semester is really hard for me and I am becoming lazy and lazier everyday. God damn..

How to change this?? Sometimes have a feeling that student life is really shit especially I'm in the age of going 23. Looking around, most of my friends are already working and earning good money. I am still stuck here. Can't deny the fact that I love my student life just sometimes.. you know? Hahaha

Haha

This is iT...

I.. Never feels so Loser, Ever! In my life..

Well, Life here going pretty amazing until this shitty new semester started. TBH, I have a little regret for changed my course from Mechatronics to Mech & Offshore Eng, Offshore dint seems much easier than Electronics, Indeed, it's quiet tough for me because my chemistry basic is quiet terrible.

So, There is a group project in this semester where the uni will allocating 80 students in our class into groups(5 persons each group), and I thought this is a good idea where i could know more people from this class and so far what my future dream job is something related to project as well. [The project is, to build a land yacht following the Gantt Chart given, which is like a mock real life group project]

Things din't goes so well for me, first, my English is terrible. Can't really communicate with them during meeting and catch up the points they are discussing, So I'm just being quiet Most of the time during the group meeting, which I feel myself completely lost. When they distributes tasks, well, sadly there are only 4 topics and I'm the last person so I actually don't have specific tasks that I have to do.

I [think] used to be so efficient when I'm in a group project back in Malaysia, always chosen to be as the group leader and flow the group. While in here, I feel like I'm a completely twat that just sit back and relax.
Yea, I did tried to contribute something to the group but the things is, they are way more smarter than I do. Points that they speaks out are more logical and make more sense, which really helps a lot during the process. Besides, they have lot of technical skills and experience about this. These are really impress me as well.

I don't know how's other group going but I'm sure because of them my group are going really well, except me. Haha.

And I came home for relax, wanted to play game [League of Legends], and fucking feed in game, Aye, I know I am noob -.- Double killed.

Fine, kthxbye.

This is iT...

Wo xiang chu qu ke shi mei you di fang ke yi qu. Zzz

This is iT...

(Lazy+Bored)- ing ...

I love this place, I do. But sometimes I really fell so bored over here. Think you guys can feel that yeh? Haha..
Just back to Msia for a week, and all the happening cells in me are all awaken. Now I can't just stay at home peacefully, my heart just keep feel like want to do something, but what???

My housemate is ace, very nice and friendly to me, also bring me to all the happening life over here. He is the best mate i ever made (no homo)!
Still, Barrier of communication between me and people here Do really BARRY me a lot!!! My broken english hardly speak, listen and understand the others, and so do the others can't understand me. I'm so glad that he still willing to talk to me after this keep on repeat the same thing just to let me get it! xDDD

But sometimes i think, maybe i just need more friends. :/ I need to communicate more to cut off the loneliness. Dayuuummm.

Cheers people.

This is iT...

BoreddDDDDDD:

and

Inefficient day...

Fuck exam, seriously hate it. Can't blame much, i am just lazy to memorize all those shit. Although only having 2 subjects, with plenty of time. :OOOOO

Empty minded recently, just bored. Gotta find something new to do but don't know what. Started to feel bored to this city but not the people. People here are awesome, best human i ever meet.

But still, Guess I serious gotta know more people for my life. Just can't sit at home peacefully even for 1 day. Else, trying to save some money but still i need to find something to go on!
Perhaps a girlfriend, that should be fine x)

Hahahahaahahaha..
Anyway, was just too bored and tried to post something here and see what'll go on.
See you later people.